


Crawling Back To You

by epoenine



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-05
Updated: 2013-12-05
Packaged: 2018-01-03 14:24:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1071517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epoenine/pseuds/epoenine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The thing is, though, it’s different for Nico. Sure, he gets the horrible feeling like something is right behind him, and he jumps at every sound he hears, but it extends to worse measures than that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crawling Back To You

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for graphic descriptions of anxiety attacks.

It’s not like this hasn’t happened before. I mean, of course it has, of course every demigod goes through the phase of constant fear and panic of being found by whatever monsters are unleashed onto them.

It just never really lasted this long. It’s never lasted the whole time someone knew they’re a demigod.

The thing is, though, it’s different for Nico. Sure, he gets the horrible feeling like something is right behind him, and he jumps at every sound he hears, but it extends to worse measures than that.

The headache comes first. A pounding, aching feeling right behind his skull and he has to lean against a tree, tell himself that he is in Camp Half-Blood and he’s safe here, no one is coming to get him and--

That’s when the thoughts come. His breath quickens and he closes his eyes tight, trying to silence the words in his head. There is an itch under his skin and he needs to get his jacket off, needs to throw it on the ground because it smells like him, he’s had it for so long, they must know he’s a demigod just by the smell of that alone.

Nico takes deep breaths, counting to ten and trying to persuade himself that no, no one is coming for him, he is completely safe here, completely fine--

“Are you okay?” asks a voice, and it’s muffled by the screaming in his brain.

“Fine,” Nico chokes out, his eyes still closed. “Perfectly fine.” His teeth are clamped shut; he grits the words out like he’s in pain.

“You don’t look so--” they stop and step closer, because Nico has slid down the tree trunk, he has to sit down, has to get his breathing under control. “Travis, I think he’s freaking out, go get Percy,” says the voice, and Nico recognizes that it belongs to Connor Stoll.

“I said I’m fine.” And Nico’s eyes fly open, locking on Connor’s a foot away from his face. Connor flinches, his expression almost horrified.

“You’re not fine. Travis, go.” Connor pushes Nico’s hair back and out of his face. “What’s wrong with your eyes? They’re--” He pauses. “Holy shit, are you not supposed to be in the sun, or something?” Nico just shakes his head, no, he can be out in the sun, but what he _can’t_ be is put in danger and oh, no. He understands the solution now.

“I have to go,” Nico says, struggling to stand up. Connor keeps a hand on his shoulder, pushing him back against the tree.

“No, wait until--” Connor pauses, looking around. “At least wait until Percy gets here and we can have Solace take a look at you.”

He can’t wait, they’re coming. He has to leave so the itch underneath his skin is gone and the voices are muffled and the bright light against his eyelids is dimmed.

Nico closes his eyes again, bringing his hands up to his ears and trying to slow down his breathing. The next time he opens his eyes, Percy is six inches away from him, saying something that Nico can’t hear.

“I found him like this, I don’t know what’s wrong,” Connor says, words finally getting through to Nico.

“Hey, hey,” Percy says, tentatively, resting a hand on Nico’s shoulder and pushing him back against the tree, making it so Nico can’t get up. “What happened?” he asks, and Nico just closes his eyes again, shaking his head. Percy brushes the hair out of Nico’s eyes, resting the back of his hand against Nico’s forehead. “Is this like the other times?”

“Yeah,” Nico croaks out, his breathing quickening again.

“We’ll go for a walk,” Percy says, standing and holding out his hand. “Come on.” Nico grabs it, pulling himself up so he can walk beside Percy.

Nico sees Percy mouth something to the Stoll brothers, but soon he’s looking back at Nico, green eyes against the blue sky.

“Do you know what set this off?” Percy asks, and his voice is so quiet that Nico almost misses it.

“No,” Nico replies, his usual harsh and bitter tone gone. He doesn’t meet Percy’s eyes, looking out to the lake as they walk.

Percy breathes out, a sigh and a quiet plea for this to go better, for them to just stop fighting for once. “Do you...Have you tried calming yourself down?”

“Nothing works,” Nico mutters, his mind going a mile a minute.

“Do you know anything that will--”

“Yeah, I need to leave,” Nico says, turning around.

“Wait!”

“I need to go, Percy. I’m in danger and there’s nothing I can do, there’s nothing you can do. I need to get out and leave for a while, a couple months, maybe--”

“Whoa, a couple months?”

“You don’t _understand_ ,” Nico says, bringing a hand up to his face. The bitterness is back. “I don’t belong here. They’re coming and I’m--I feel exposed.”

“What about…” Percy says, trailing off.

“You can’t persuade me. Don’t worry, Percy, you won’t miss me much,” he says, a harsh laugh added onto the end of it.

“Calm down, Nico, just--” Percy moves, grabbing onto Nico’s hand, making it so he can’t leave. “You’re shaking.”

“I’ve noticed.”

“If we just deal with this--”

“We? You think you can _save_ me? Gods know how much of a hero you can be,” Nico snaps, yanking his hand back. “That’s the thing, Percy, I can’t be saved.”

Percy steps forward, and Nico takes a step back.

“Nico, I just want to help,” Percy says, a little desperately, and anything that has helped in the past ten minutes is gone.

This is the part where his veins are humming and his head is throbbing and he shuts his eyes tight again, forcing all of the air out of his lungs and not taking any back in. Nico stops walks, trying not to sink back towards the ground.

“Nico--Nico, just breathe with me, okay?” Percy asks, and Nico follows orders. He inhales, holds it in with Percy with five seconds, lets it back out. Repeats. “See? It’s okay. You’re okay. You’re safe here.”

“I’m--”

“You’re safe here,” Percy reminds him. “You don’t have to go anywhere. Just stay here with me, yeah?”

Nico hesitates before answering. “Yeah,” he says, nodding his head. Percy stares at him, and Nico repeats, louder, “Yeah.”

“Promise me?” Percy asks, and really, how could Nico not?

“I’ll stay,” Nico confirms, even though he doesn’t know if he can keep that promise, even though Percy won’t fix everything,  even though his instincts are still telling him to leave.

“You’ll stay,” Percy whispers, almost in disbelief, because he didn’t think he could persuade Nico. Getting pulled into Percy’s arms, Nico takes a deep breath, smelling salt and fresh air.

Nico’s mind clears, shaky hands steady, and breaths even out. He allows himself to get pulled back to Percy’s cabin, just this once.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr at prouvairie.


End file.
